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Relevant topics for parents

A 3-YEAR-OLD LEARNS: THE POWER OF FREE PLAY

Dr. Regina Kontautienė

Principal of Klaipėda Lyceum

The child’s development researchers state that when a child is only 3-5 years old, he or she is willing to undertake a variety of cognitive activities while playing, and the experiences and related information acquired during the game are quickly and easily “recorded” into the child’s memory. Therefore, by creating a suitable, gaming-friendly environment, even the smallest people become curious about letters, numbers and easily and naturally accept a variety of educational information during play activities. The UK’s Oxford College and other top kindergartens have been successful in the play-based education.

This type of “recording” information gives your child the best results in terms of singing, drawing, role-playing, creating and playing various stories, etc. – doing what children naturally enjoy. This way, without much effort, the child learns reading, basic numeracy, world knowledge, and even performs tasks that are challenging enough to stimulate thinking and develop cognitive abilities.

Let’s not underestimate the power of play

Friedrich Frebel, a prominent pioneer in game pedagogy, the founder of the world’s first kindergarten, argues that play is not a pointless way of spending a child’s time – a properly chosen game helps a child to get to know the world, understand it, and solve conflicts. He says that children have a natural urge to act, try and explore, which is why play is a particularly important activity in childhood. Through fantasy and exploration, a child can try things that are not allowed or impossible in the real world.

Lev Vygotskij, a researcher on children’s psychological development and higher thinking functions, says that children develop four basic functions of consciousness through play: thinking, imagination, seeking to implement one’s own ideas and the ability to generalise. The most important thing is that new cognitive experiences and discoveries are interesting, engaging, joyful, emotionally well-being for the preschooler, and, as if unintentionally, help the child to gradually develop spiritual, social, emotional and intellectual maturity. This prepares him to become a disciple.

How to play “correctly”?

We can encourage your child to start playing by putting paper and acrylic paints on the table, putting a collection of toy animals on the table, or waiting for the child to ask for what they need for game. Parents’ main responsibility is therefore to provide an environment suitable for the children’s play and to give them the freedom to act. For example, if a child chooses to draw a bright green dog, don’t tell that such dogs don’t exist. Instead, be surprised: “Wow, I’ve never seen a green dog before”. Parents’ job is to encourage their child, to reassure them that there is no wrong way to play or create. Another mistake parents often make is to demand strict order or cleanliness from a child who plays. This causes fear in children and limits their creativity. Children may lose the desire to play or do anything at all for fear of damaging, soiling or disturbing the existing order. Every word you say to your child during the game is important. That’s why it’s always important to listen to the child, to hear them and to accept their ideas.

The child should choose the game himself

Children often choose games intuitively, as if willing to test themselves. The biggest incentive to play is that it’s interesting and fun for the child. In accordance with D.B. Elkonin, who is one of the creators of game theory, who explored the child’s game through the prism of mental development, even if there are obstacles and difficulties in the game, they are gratifying when the child overcomes and solves them. Difficulties are needed to keep the game going and to change the child’s emotions. Children even tend to choose more demanding play if adults present the child with increasingly challenging tasks. Activities chosen by the child are often more engaging and motivating for the child to complete them. Children’s intellectual development is particularly stimulated by free play, where adults do not make demands on the child. Play is where all the skills and abilities a child needs for his further life are found.

Research has shown that children who are allowed to create freely grow up to be free and creative, while those who are not encouraged to play as children and who are merely controlled face emotional and psychological challenges later in life.

Being close to your child, but not too close

Often, parents warn their children to protect them from failure or misfortune: “don’t climb – you’ll get hurt”, “don’t run – you’ll fall”, “don’t sit on the sand – you’ll get dirty”, ” don’t step into a puddle – you’ll get wet”. This leads to a lack of self-confidence, fear and reluctance to play, and in the long run, inhibits the child’s desire to explore the world around him. Safety and peace of mind are very important for a child’s play, allowing them to immerse into the world of play freely, without tension or fear. That’s why it’s essential to show that we value and care about children’s ideas, suggestions and ideas. It is also very important that the child learns to play alone. Playing alone, children learn to keep their attention and grow in independence. If we don’t keep bouncing around, stay close but not too close, we will soon see that the toddler enjoys some challenges, such as picking up things, putting things up, etc., on his own. Instead of constantly rushing to the rescue, parents should be more attentive to their child’s achievements and praise them. Children learn to trust themselves when they feel trusted, and free play is one of the most effective ways to develop these qualities.

DO WE KNOW HOW TO PLAY? HOW PARENTAL BEHAVIOUR CAN DISCOURAGE A CHILD'S DESIRE TO EXPLORE AND LIMIT HIS CREATIVITY

Dr. Regina Kontautienė

Principal of Klaipėda Lyceum

The child’s development researchers state that when a child is only 3-5 years old, he or she is willing to undertake a variety of cognitive activities while playing, and the experiences and related information acquired during the game are quickly and easily “recorded” into the child’s memory. Therefore, by creating a suitable, gaming-friendly environment, even the smallest people become curious about letters, numbers and easily and naturally accept a variety of educational information during play activities. The UK’s Oxford College and other top kindergartens have been successful in the play-based education.

This type of “recording” information gives your child the best results in terms of singing, drawing, role-playing, creating and playing various stories, etc. – doing what children naturally enjoy. This way, without much effort, the child learns reading, basic numeracy, world knowledge, and even performs tasks that are challenging enough to stimulate thinking and develop cognitive abilities.

Let’s not underestimate the power of play

Friedrich Froebel, the famous pioneer of play pedagogy and founder of the world’s first kindergarten, argues that play is not an aimless way of spending a child’s time – a properly selected game helps a child to get to know the world, understand it, resolve conflicts. He says that children have a natural urge to act, try and explore, which is why play is a particularly important activity in childhood. Through fantasy and exploration, a child can try things that are not allowed or impossible in the real world.

Lev Vygotskij, a researcher on children’s psychological development and higher thinking functions, says that children develop four basic functions of consciousness through play: thinking, imagination, seeking to implement one’s own ideas and the ability to generalise. The most important thing is that new cognitive experiences and discoveries are interesting, engaging, joyful, emotionally well-being for the preschooler, and, as if unintentionally, help the child to gradually develop spiritual, social, emotional and intellectual maturity. This prepares him to become a disciple.

How to play “correctly”?

We can encourage your child to start playing by putting paper and acrylic paints on the table, putting a collection of toy animals on the table, or waiting for the child to ask for what they need for game.

Parents’ main responsibility is therefore to provide an environment suitable for the children’s play and to give them the freedom to act. For example, if a child chooses to draw a bright green dog, don’t tell that such dogs don’t exist. Instead, be surprised: “Wow, I’ve never seen a green dog before”.

Parents’ job is to encourage their child, to reassure them that there is no wrong way to play or create. Another mistake parents often make is to demand strict order or cleanliness from a child who plays. This causes fear in children and limits their creativity. Children may lose the desire to play or do anything at all for fear of damaging, soiling or disturbing the existing order. Every word you say to your child during the game is important. That’s why it’s always important to listen to the child, to hear them and to accept their ideas.

The child should choose the game himself

Children often choose games intuitively, as if willing to test themselves. The biggest incentive to play is that it’s interesting and fun for the child. In accordance with D.B. Elkonin, who is one of the creators of game theory, who explored the child’s game through the prism of mental development, even if there are obstacles and difficulties in the game, they are gratifying when the child overcomes and solves them. Difficulties are needed to keep the game going and to change the child’s emotions.

Children even tend to choose more demanding play if adults present the child with increasingly challenging tasks. Activities chosen by the child are often more engaging and motivating for the child to complete them. Children’s intellectual development is particularly stimulated by free play, where adults do not make demands on the child. Play is where all the skills and abilities a child needs for his further life are found.

Research has shown that children who are allowed to create freely grow up to be free and creative, while those who are not encouraged to play as children and who are merely controlled face emotional and psychological challenges later in life.

Being close to your child, but not too close

Often, parents warn their children to protect them from failure or misfortune: “don’t climb – you’ll get hurt”, “don’t run – you’ll fall”, “don’t sit on the sand – you’ll get dirty”, ” don’t step into a puddle – you’ll get wet”. This leads to a lack of self-confidence, fear and reluctance to play, and in the long run, inhibits the child’s desire to explore the world around him. Safety and peace of mind are very important for a child’s play, allowing them to immerse into the world of play freely, without tension or fear. That’s why it’s essential to show that we value and care about children’s ideas, suggestions and ideas. It is also very important that the child learns to play alone. Playing alone, children learn to keep their attention and grow in independence. If we don’t keep bouncing around, stay close but not too close, we will soon see that the toddler enjoys some challenges, such as picking up things, putting things up, etc., on his own. Instead of constantly rushing to the rescue, parents should be more attentive to their child’s achievements and praise them. Children learn to trust themselves when they feel trusted, and free play is one of the most effective ways to develop these qualities.

CARRY AND CUDDLE YOUR LITTLE ONES – THE BENEFITS ARE IMMEASURABLE. 12 RULES FOR POSITIVE COMMUNICATION BY M. LATHAM

Dr. Regina Kontautienė

Principal of Klaipėda Lyceum

If you hear people around you telling you that you love your children too much, that you cuddle and carry them too much, that you will spoil them and turn them into sissies – arm yourselves with patience, you’re doing everything right! Scientists say that the brain connections that form when a baby interacts with its parents during infancy last a lifetime, which is why it’s so important to cuddle and hold the baby as often as possible, at least in the early years. This gives the baby a sense of security and strengthens the bond with the parents; it is one of the most important foundations for the development of a healthy personality.

Security – the foundation of trust

A newborn baby enters an environment that is completely unfamiliar to him. Crying is the only way for the baby to communicate and express its needs, so the parent’s reaction to the crying and the baby’s reassurance is a sign to the baby that he or she can trust the parents (or one of them) to ensure that his needs are met. That way he can feel safe.

Babies don’t understand the rules. They are not yet able to understand their parents’ feelings, and the most important thing for them is the sense of security they feel when they are with their parents. Therefore, heat, the need to be held on hands, cuddled, caressing, wrapped and carried is crucial for building a strong relationship with the baby.

If children have the opportunity to learn these things in infancy, they will be able to trust their parents and foster a strong sense of attachment in the future. But if the baby’s need to be safe and reassured is not responded to, if the baby’s cries are ignored (for example, by getting the baby to sleep in a separate room and leaving the baby alone to deal with his feelings), this sends the baby the signal that he cannot trust his parents.

It is important for all toddlers to be calmed, as this builds the brain’s ability to regulate negative emotions. It is therefore clear why children insist on being carried, want to sleep with their mum or dad, etc.

A nice touch from mum or dad calms the baby’s stress and regulates the hormonal balance.

However, this does not mean that parents have to carry their baby around and sleep with them all the time. It is important to listen and respond as best and quickly as possible to the cues your baby sends you, to respond to their emotional and physical needs, and to calm them down.

Once the baby understands that he can trust those who care for him, he can move on to the next tasks in his personal development: exploring, mastering the environment and building relationships with other people.

Emotions are “imprinted” in the brain

In the first years of a child’s life, the child has a particularly high level of contact with his parents, expressing his needs and having different experiences of bonding with the parents.

Infants aged 0 to 13 months have a particularly active development of brain connections. The way parents interact with their baby during the first year of life is very much dependent on the connections that will form in his brain and nervous system for the rest of his life. Through the relationship with the parents, the baby learns to manage himself physiologically and psychologically.

A nice touch from mum or dad calms the baby’s stress and regulates the hormonal balance. A baby’s heart usually beats in the same rhythm as its mother’s.

Sue Gerhard, in her book Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby’s Brain writes that an infant “sets” a normal range of stimulation and adapts to those around him. The mother sends emotional programmes to the child’s right brain, and the child uses the emotions from the mother as a template to “imprint” the marks on the right hemisphere of his brain.

These brain connections last a lifetime and determine even the levels of perceived happiness and the prevailing mood. Better connections mean that a person will be able to more easily connect with others, control positive and negative emotions, and calm down. Research has shown that babies of depressed mothers adapt to low levels of stimulation and become accustomed to a lack of positive feelings.

Babies of mothers who are constantly agitated can become overstimulated. Children experience the normal range of stimulation through constant full mutual contact with their parents, thus learning the first physiological and psychological lessons of positive self-regulation, and then easily learn to control their emotions, trust themselves and others, and the processes of psychological and intellectual maturation of the child’s personality.

Strong bonding from infancy – returns in adolescence

The first three years of a child’s life are crucial for the formation of brain connections, and it is much better if they do not have to be remodelled later. Unfortunately, not all parents are able to maintain a close contact with their children, i.e. to listen and respond to their child’s needs. This depends on the emotional development of the parents themselves. If a father or mother was strongly attached to their parents, it is almost guaranteed that his child will be equally strongly attached to his parents.

Conversely, if the baby’s parents did not feel a strong bond with their own parents, the chances are that they will find it difficult to build a strong bond with their child. Fortunately, for this addiction, it is not only important what was there, but also how the problem was dealt with, i.e. how the parents themselves came to terms with their own stories of lack of attachment in their childhood.

The most important thing in building a relationship with a child is to make the child feel happy and loved by his parents. When children feel connected to their parents, they learn to love themselves and others, and are not afraid to be disappointed. If such a relationship with the parents does not develop, it will be difficult for the child to believe that he is worthy of love.

In accordance with Dr. L. Markham, a parent’s ability to enjoy their child may be the most important factor in stimulating the child’s development. A strong bond between parents and their children, with unconditional love, encourages them to obey their parents effortlessly. And if children are not strongly convinced, they see their parents’ standards of behaviour as unfair and not in their best interests. Numerous scientific studies confirm that the best way to protect adolescents from the negative influences of societal culture or peers is to build a close relationship with their parents from infancy.

Parental trust in the child helps control negative emotions

Recent research shows that the human brain grows and changes throughout life. So, if parents become more responsive to their child’s physical and emotional needs later on, the brain of a four- or five-year-old is ready to form new connections and learn from their parents how to calm down, manage and control their positive and negative emotions.

Such a child may need a little more time to deal with emotions: crying to heal from past experiences of feeling scared and separated from his parents, until he could be fully “healed”. Thus, parental patience is essential when a child is going through an emotional crisis and to help him or her overcome previous difficulties, especially if the child provokes the parents.

It is important to remember that bouts of provocative behaviour are a red flag that a child needs the emotional support of a parent. The most therapeutic for such a child is the parents’ understanding and their own emotional stability. Only when a child feels, even without words, that his parents understand, support and trust him, will he be able to overcome emotional crises and control negative emotions.

12 rules for positive communication by M. Latham:

  1. Be attentive to your child’s feelings.
  2. Control your tone of voice when talking to your child.
  3. Respect your child’s opinion, no matter how old they are.
  4. Talk about your child’s problems without resentment, criticism or accusation.
  5. Avoid moralising monologues.
  6. Use encouragement to promote positive behaviour.
  7. Avoid constantly correcting your child and don’t discourage them.
  8. Don’t ignore the body language. Actions often speak louder than words.
  9. You can disapprove of a child’s behaviour, but you can’t criticise the child himself. Your child needs to feel that your love is unconditional.
  10. Smile: a child will always respond better to a smile than to a frown.
  11. Speak in a soft voice, especially when you feel tension rising.
  12. Hug your child often, no matter how old he or she is – this is essential for successful development.

YOU HAVE BECOME A STEPFATHER OR STEPMOTHER. HOW TO WIN THE LOVE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND BUILD A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY?

You have become a stepfather or stepmother. How to win the love of your children and build a successful family?

The breakdown of a marriage often leaves many spiritual wounds to heal, both for the former spouses and for their children. Once the wounds have healed and new relationships with other people have begun to form, the situation becomes complicated, because the family with the stepfather or stepmother is very different from the traditional family model. And if both partners think they can build another traditional family, they will have to be bitterly disappointed. However, it is possible to have a successful family, but it costs a lot more effort.

A stepfather’s or stepmother’s family is one in which one of the spouses was already married, divorced and there is at least one child from the previous marriage who has been living with this couple continuously or at some point since the beginning of the marriage – the relationship is determined by the researchers of such families.

Yves Lamontagne, a Canadian professor of psychiatry, who studies such families, points out that they are fundamentally different from traditional families, and that this requires special attention from its members. So how do we balance this in a new relationship, improve the integration of the two families, win the love of the children and build a successful family?

A new family – only after “mourning”

Such marriages are often the result of the break-up of previous marriages and the loss of a difficult relationship. This means that spouses are entering into a new marriage with a history of partnership that may have been fraught with painful lessons and not the most pleasant experiences, notes Y.Lamontagne.

In order for two families to be able to merge and create a successful new family, the “mourning” period of the first marriage must first be over.

Such marriages are often the result of the break-up of previous marriages and the loss of a difficult relationship.

Only when both spouses are aware of their past losses and have made peace with the past can they lay a new foundation for the relationship and start looking optimistically towards the future.

The chances of a successful second marriage are increased by the prospective spouses living together before marriage. This is especially important when considering the emotional state of children who have already experienced a family breakdown – American statistics show that 28% of children currently living with a stepfather or stepmother will also have to survive the break-up of a second family.

Ex-spouse and new rules

The new family should assess and agree unequivocally whether this will be the case and, if so, how the relationship with the former spouse will be maintained. Unfortunately, many adults fail to cooperate and children seem to fall into the trap of parents who are hostile and manipulative towards each other.

In the event of a breakdown in the relationship between two adults, the best interests of the child should nonetheless be a priority. Constructive communication would be facilitated by a mutual division of responsibilities regarding the upbringing and education of the children, and the application of the same parenting rules in both homes.

Children have a hard time with such radical changes. It is therefore important to alleviate the sensation of a child feeling as if he were in two different homes with quite different rules and expectations.

Important shared rituals and traditions

Studies in Canada show that it takes a year and a half or two years for a child to get used to a stepfather or stepmother. For older children, this integration process can take five or even six years.

What is important is that children need not only the attention of their parents, but also the security that arises when children see the model of a happy and constantly strengthening couple in their marriage, when common traditions or rituals are created, while experiencing positive emotions. Therefore, the new family should continue certain traditions, such as celebrating birthdays, religious or other holidays.

It is advisable to create new rituals that bring together the members of a new family. Flexibility and creativity are key prerequisites for a successful new family

Relationship rule – rush slowly

When starting a new family, the stepparent should enter the family very slowly, starting by building a friendly relationship with the new spouse’s children, and taking their time with parenting and especially with disciplinary demands.

When building such a relationship with children, the couple must work together and follow the same rules. Y. Lamontagne argues that second marriages can be just as successful and satisfying as the first.

It takes time to develop a relationship with your child.

He also notes that children benefit more from living with a stepfather or stepmother than with a parent. However, they must understand that there is no miraculous formula for winning the love of children and quickly guaranteeing their adaptation.

It takes time to develop a relationship with a child, and the amount of time will depend on the age of the children and whether or not they live permanently with this family. Studies have shown that the integration of two families is much easier when the children of both spouses live with the couple.

 

THE BUBBLE OF “HAPPY CHILDHOOD”: WHEN PARENTAL LOVE CAN BE HARMFUL

Safeguarding your child from daily inconveniences, setbacks and problems on a daily basis is seen by parents as an expression of unconditional love, without thinking about the fact that this behaviour and the desire to make your child happy at all costs may interfere with his normal development, in accordance with researchers at Harvard University. How to avoid bending the stick by solving the child’s everyday worries and satisfying his desires, so that it does not hurt a full-fledged personality?

Parents are often told that their goal is to do everything they can to make their child happy. For such parents, the child becomes the centre of the world and they begin to create the illusion of a “happy childhood”: unconditionally satisfying all the child’s wishes, buying toys, justifying any behaviour, the slightest effort is admired.

Moreover, such parents seek to protect the child from any negative emotions and to solve all problems for the child, or to prevent them from occurring. In this way, the child becomes “always right”, and his wishes – always above all, the child begins to live in an artificially happy childhood – as if in a bubble.

Researchers at Harvard University studying the children of parents who create happy childhoods have concluded that parents who want their children to be exceptionally happy without failure are not only wasting their time, but more importantly, they are hindering the child’s normal development. Happiness depends first and foremost on how the child views himself or herself and how others view him or her. So what are the mistakes not to make out of endless love for the child?

The child is not the epicentre of the world

When a child is allowed to do everything, he has no room for error. Even when this happens, parents who want to create a happy childhood rush to solve the problem for their child. This makes the child of such parents always right, and the decisions taken by the child and the parents only in line with the child’s wishes and expectations.

Parents, in order to satisfy their child’s need for absolute happiness or to compensate for a lack of personal time and attention, try to provide material things and are afraid to tell their children about things they might not like, such as chores, schoolwork or other things where they might lack involvement. Such parents are afraid to face tantrums of anger from their son or daughter, and when this happens, they attack to satisfy any of their whims, thereby further entrenching and reinforcing the hysterical habit.

Attending kindergarten, school, or other social interactions with peers and adults makes such self-centeredness dangerous in the future – the child may be excluded. It is true that all loving parents find it difficult to accept that their child is not, and never will be, the centre of the world.

Gifts have to be earned

Researchers A. Solomon, A. Precht and others on children’s psychological maturation and social-emotional development argue that it is essential for children to learn how to manage their feelings and to learn how to deserve gifts and desirable rights. Children can only learn this when wishes are not immediately granted and gifts are given in return for something – a request to do a job, to help a parent, or to do something else to deserve it.

It is important to remember that if all the wishes of the child have been met unconditionally in the past, it is sometimes impossible to avoid punishments by changing the practice at home. It can be very difficult for a family to change its parenting attitudes, but it is even worse to see and realise over time that a son or daughter who was so deeply loved and unconditionally admired has grown up to be selfish, lacking confidence in himself or herself and in others, and unable of building full human relationships or an independent life. Of course, sometimes we cannot avoid indulgence, and it may even help in education, but if we allow a child to feel constantly at the centre of the world, it will be detrimental in the future.

The bubble of happiness will collapse

There is no need to create an unrealistic view of the world and false expectations for the child, which he will encounter more and more as he grows up, and which will cause him to be disappointed or even unhappy. Parents should not shield their children from everyday inconveniences and problems. Children need to learn not only to be happy as they grow up, but also to survive failure, rejection by their peers, and to realise that not all of their wishes come true. This can be particularly painful for a child who grew up in such an unreal world as a child and is now a teenager.

Having had all the rights and freedoms to everything for a long time, such a child in adolescence often feels unhappy, because peers are not parents and do not rush to satisfy every wish, but mercilessly tell the unpleasant truth. The teenager understands perfectly well that if he fell to the ground in tears or trampled his feet, as he did when he was a child, he would cause contempt and even bullying from his peers.

Such a confrontation of the happy world with the real reality can turn into a world of mistrust, anger, and hostility.

Happiness is the result of a good upbringing

A child who has been constantly indulged and taught that he has the prerogative to do and behave as he wishes will later experience various psychological and social problems in his relationships with others.

This is why scholars at Harvard University, summarising research on parents’ creation of an unconditional happy childhood, argue that it is never too late to say NO to unfounded, unnecessary requests. Only when we develop a child’s respect for others and empathy, self-confidence and confidence in others, when we help our child understand how important the wishes and needs of not only him, but also another family member, friend or even a stranger are, will we raise children who can be happy.

Happiness is the result of a good upbringing that reflects a child’s ability to create a world not around himself, but by perceiving himself as part of that world. It is therefore very important for parents to find that balance of love and attention in their child’s upbringing, so that this combination helps, rather than hinders, his development.

Easy and uncomfortable tips for parents to help children grow up happy:

  • Don’t give up on your child just because it’s so hard to see them upset, dissatisfied or unhappy.
  • Don’t shy away from telling your child the truth about himself, and don’t distort it just to make your child think better of himself. It is much better if the child hears the unpleasant truth about himself from you, so that you can really help your child.
  • Don’t be afraid to criticise your child to correct character flaws that could be harmful to your child later on, even if you think you might damage your child’s self-esteem.
  • Don’t rush to satisfy every wish of a child because he is sad or unhappy and you are worried about it.
  • When a child disagrees with your decisions, don’t blame yourself – be firm and consistent.
  • Don’t take responsibility for your child’s disagreements with peers and friends.
  • When your daughter or son gets angry when you don’t get something, don’t make light of his bad mood and don’t be condescending.
  • Don’t be afraid of your child’s emotions and don’t walk like on tiptoe.
  • Don’t push your own desires aside because of your child’s whims.

CHALLENGE FOR PARENTS OF FIRST GRADERS: HOW TO PREPARE YOUR CHILD FOR SCHOOL AND WHAT TO EXPECT

Autumn and the start of the new academic year, which for many is associated with dressed-up pupils, arms full of flowers and an uplifting, festive mood, are immeasurably approaching. However, this joy is often confused with anxiety, especially among first-class learners and their parents. The dilemma is how to properly prepare a young child to cross the threshold of life and ensure his successful integration into school.

Watching older siblings, relatives or friends, listening to stories from adults, the pre-school child starts to take an interest in school: what the order they have in it, what children are doing in it, how the lessons are going. Future first-graders are attracted by their new status as a pupil and by their extra-curricular life – they are curious to see how many new discoveries and activities await them. A child’s adaptation and psychological well-being in the first year of school depends to a large extent on the parents’ attitude towards learning and on helping the child to form a correct perception of the activities that await them at school. The image created by the school should differ as little as possible from the reality of the future.

It is important to set expectations properly

Pre-school children already see themselves as independent, which is why we often hear the phrase: “I (will do it) myself”, “I’m already big”, but when we get closer to the school age threshold, it’s the other way around. Then you’re more likely to hear from the child, “I don’t know how to do that”, “I’m still small”. Paradoxical as it may seem, feeling small and ignorant is an important prerequisite for a child’s school readiness. During this period, the child wants to do what the adults think is significant, important, valuable, and the school is part of this.

It is bad when parents, even before starting school, intimidate the child and emphasise the difficulties of school life in the future: that they will have to get up early, do a lot of homework, listen to the teacher etc. This can lead to a negative attitude of the child towards the school, the teacher and the learning itself. Nor is it advisable to talk about school only as a source of joy and pleasure. Having started school and not found the promised pleasures, the child will be disappointed and his willingness to learn will be reduced. It is therefore up to the parents to get the child used to overcoming difficulties to the best of their abilities and to feel the joy of the work they have done and of the difficulties they have overcome, even before they go to school.

Developing compliance with rules and obligations – still at home

The child needs to understand that learning at school requires the observance of certain uniform rules. Parents should teach their children self-discipline and order even before they start school. It will be much easier for the child to understand the school rules if he is taught at home, before he comes to the first grade, to do certain activities quietly in a sitting position, listen carefully and remember what the parents are explaining, being encouraged to do more than just what is interesting to him. It is particularly important to get the child to complete the work he has begun, as well as to assign him responsibilities that are commensurate with his abilities.

Watering the flowers, feeding the fish in the aquarium, taking the dog out for a walk – such and similar duties shape the child’s ability to interrupt his pleasant activities without much hassle and, for example, to undertake lesson preparation that is not always attractive.

The devaluation may be offensive

In accordance with psychologists, many children, even in the first grade, do not yet know how to distinguish between effort and result. Therefore, saying things like “you’re not trying again” can be very hurtful to a child, as they are often untrue. Most of the time, the child is trying hard and is expecting a good mark, so the child’s efforts must be noticed. Even before starting school, it is advisable to teach children to evaluate the quality of their work and results, and to help them understand that it is primarily what has been done that counts, i.e. the result. It is equally important to explain to the child what he did not do so well and how the desired outcome could be achieved next time.

It is also necessary to instil basic hygiene skills in the future first-grader: Teach them to wash, comb their hair, brush their teeth, get dressed, use the toilet, and eat properly, as the lack of these skills can put the child in an awkward position and undermine his self-esteem.

Reading, writing and arithmetic before school – is it really necessary?

Research carried out by Lithuanian researchers with first grade pupils in mainstream schools has confirmed that learning success depends to a large extent not so much on the numeracy or reading skills they had when they started school, but on their ability to think. Parents should therefore pay more attention to the development of their child’s thinking skills, teaching them to distinguish between the position of objects in space and their physical characteristics and to compare them with each other. Thinking has a lot to do with language. Special studies show that the foundation of mind actions is first the language of sounds and then the so-called inner language “for oneself”. It is therefore very important to encourage children to explain what they are doing and how they are doing it in their own voice when interacting with objects or their images.

It is very important for the child to get used to comparing things in terms of length, weight and volume: longer – shorter, heavier – lighter, bigger – smaller, further – closer, in the middle – side, etc. The future first grade should learn to clearly pronounce words and sounds, to make coherent points, recite poems and speak correctly. Sometimes very caring parents start teaching written letters to their child not yet attending school. This should certainly not be done, as inconsistent and non-methodical teaching of written letters or combinations of letters can lead to erroneous writing skills.

Learning to read takes place in the first half of the year

Research conducted by scientists in general education schools in Lithuanian cities shows that increasingly more learners come to school with certain reading skills: one in three of the first learners comes to school already being able to read some syllables or words, one in four – able to read even in sentences. The number of children who do not know their letters at all in the first grade is declining.

Despite the differences in children’s reading skills, all children learn to read in the first six months of their schooling. However, those children who come to school with some reading skills are more confident, more likely to experience success and more likely to experience positive emotions during lessons. Therefore, primary school teacher (s) have a very important role to play, which even a child who does not know the letters must help him not to lose self-confidence and enjoy his achievements. It is likely that the first reading skills acquired (and not only) before starting school may have a positive impact on the child’s adaptation at school, further learning motivation and self-confidence development.

When paying the count, it is worth including logical tasks, e.g. how many cars do you count and how many will be left when one has gone? Writing skills are best developed by copying letters like pictures, drawing lines and connecting them in a maths notebook.

I would like to wish parents who are preparing first-graders for school, first of all, to have a healthy attitude to their child’s education, not to overdo it with scientific knowledge, but to concentrate more on the child’s self-control, his ability to overcome difficulties, his education, and on creating a proper image of the school that is not divorced from reality.